Negotiating co-parenting arrangements as gay parents
Posted on: 3 August 2016
For many gay and lesbian couples decisions about how to become a parent become easier when they can involve a person of the opposite gender to make the pregnancy complete. The issue of how to manage the co-parenting arrangements after the child is born can be complex and governed by different laws depending on the state.
Here are some guidelines.
Discuss as much as possible before
Before you enter into the arrangement it's a good idea to plan as much as possible how you like to co-parenting to work. This can obviously change over time but by laying down a plan at the start of the arrangement, you can have a record of the intended co-parenting configuration. Items to discuss include the amount of access the other person will have to the child and whether there are any particular preferences such as raising a child under a certain religion or using a family name as part of their name.
Maintain a good relationship between the parents
Even if you have a different approach to parenting over time it pays to have a flexible approach and try to maintain a positive relationship between all of the adults in the arrangement. There may be people in the child's life who do not have a formal legal right to spend time with the child (such as the biological father's boyfriend) but taking a flexible approach to the relationships that your child can have with these can provide them with a lot of support.
Get some legal advice
There are some inconsistencies between Commonwealth (federal) and state laws with regard to biological contributors to a pregnancy where there is no underlying family relationship. In particular, when mothers become pregnant by a sperm donor in Queensland and Victoria this donor is not considered the father under state law. However, the Commonwealth law does not back this up, particularly where the mother is not in a relationship with another person that could take on the role as a co-parent. In cases where there is a conflict between Commonwealth and state laws, then the Commonwealth law takes precedence. This can create a situation where a single lesbian mother is required to share parenting decisions with a gay man that she has previously considered a sperm donor.
The legal frameworks around gay parenting are still being developed. It is well worth getting advice from an experienced family lawyer before you enter into a relationship like this so that you can fully understand your rights and responsibilities as you enter into the arrangement.
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